Crucifixion of My Heart
by Jai1
Summary: Zell, Seifer, and Squall are the only survivors of an all out war. They must look to each other and within themselves to find the strength to fight for those they have lost and to bring down the evil that threatens their entire world/Slight Shounen-ai.
1. Battle Cry

Crucifixion of My Heart

A/N- This story is told from Zell's POV throughout. Just so no one suffers from confusion. ^_~

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Chapter 1- Battle Cry

I can't remember how long I've been here. I can't remember much of anything. The dust, the dirt, the thirst and hunger… the pain, they over ride most any thought that runs through my head. Survival is all that matters now, and even that is turning out to be nearly impossible in this hell hole… I sigh softly and turn my head to see Squall sitting in the corner, no doubt he's racking his brain trying to think of a plan. That much is obvious as I see his fists clench and unclench around the hilt of his gunblade, his eyebrows drawn together and his thin lips turned down in a fierce scowl. Well, if anyone can think of a solution, Squall can. My gaze then shifts to Seifer who is lying on his back, covered with Squall's and my own jacket. One of Squalls belts is wrapped tightly around his upper thigh, directly above the huge gash he received in battle. It would bleed periodically, blood pouring out in such amounts… it was a wonder the man wasn't dead. He wasn't far from it. Seifer's mouth hung slightly open, taking shallow, wincing breaths. I had never seen him in this state, and my body trembled to witness it now.

"Zell…" Squall's voice, hoarse and exhausted, drifted over to me on a whisper of breath. "Zell… we have to get him out of here…" I watch my tired commander from the corner of my eyes, not bothering to turn my head. "He… he isn't going to make it." Squall glances over at Seifer, who twists in agony momentarily before drifting back into a feverish sleep. I grit my teeth in anger. If only there were Cura, or even Cure at the very least… but fate has denied us even that. The air suddenly feels thicker, the ground harder, and the dust too harsh for my lungs. I fiercely wish that there were any source of light in this dank hole. Any comfort… but there is none. I swallow the lump in my throat and bite back the tears that threaten my dignity before turning to Squall.

"I know that, Squall. But there's no where to go. We step outside and we're all finished." I brush a hand through my filthy hair, feeling the greasy strands run between my fingers. "We're all that's left Squall… we have to be careful… we… we can't just run out there with no plan of action. There's no way of knowing that there's anything left out there that will help anyway!" I raise my voice to get the point across and my vocal chords protest with a dull ache of pain. 

"Look, the fact that we're the only ones left is exactly the reason we have to get out of here. I can't let another comrade fall because my inability to lead. We have to take the risk. At the very least, I have to go look… understand?" Squall's voice softens, the most compassion he's shown to me in a long while. His eyes look so tired and weary, it makes my eyes fill with unshed tears again. If only I could make this go away… lighten the heavy, oppressive mood, but any attempt at humor at a time like this, would only make Squall angry, which in turn, would make me angry at myself for not thinking of his feelings. I cover my face with my hands and let out a long groan. This helps a little and I am able to compose myself again.

"No, Squall… " I say, straightening my posture and looking my commander straight in the eyes. If he thinks this is all about him and his failures as a leader to our Garden, he's crazy. Well, I'm certainly not going to entertain this foolishness. "I will go. If something happened to you out there… well… just let me go." Squall lowers his gaze and shakes his head. I have the urge to hit him… just hit the guy and tell him to shove it, this is our life at stake here, for Hyne's sake. But I don't… though I have to clamp my teeth on the inside of my jaw to accomplish this.

"Zell, no… no I can't let you do that… I can't let you go."

"Why the fuck not?" I ask, irritated with him, and not bothering to mask it.

"Because it's my respons-" I cut him off before his favorite little speech can begin.

"Your responsibility? Don't give me that bull shit! Maybe it was your responsibility before all this started, but it isn't any more. It's up to the 3 of us, together, to see this through." I stand, stretching my arms and legs out, feeling the muscles burn from overuse and exhaustion, when all I really want to do is sprawl out on the floor and declare that I'm never getting up again. But self pity will get us no where… "Now, I'm going out there." Squall's chest rose and fell in one long sigh. It's hard for him to let others know he needs to be led once in a while just like them, to have the weight of responsibility taken off his shoulders, if only for a short while. But I see the need, and it isn't so hard for me to understand him anymore. Once you learn to read the guy, he's like an open book waiting for the pages to be turned. A novel of War and Peace if I ever saw one…

"Zell…" 

"Please, Squall… Just let me do this one thing for you. Let me help you. Stay here with Seifer 'til I get back… Please?" I see the steely resolve in his eyes fade and he nods slowly, making his way over to Seifer. His one time enemy… now reduced to a heap of battered and bruised flesh. 

"I'm giving you 10 minutes. 5 to get up there, take a glance around, and 5 to get your ass back down here." The softness in his expression leaves as quickly as it came and he looks up at me, awaiting my reply. Even at times like this… he tries to be the rock of strength we can all cling to. I nod, only to appease him, and fight my way through the thick veil of dust to the rickety stairs that serve as the only way out of our 'shelter'.

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A/N- I know this chapter was short, but I wanted to get started before my brain exploded with ideas. Lets just hope they don't dry up on me. I guess you could call this Shounen-ai since relationships will develop, but there won't be any sex scenes. Sorry. Please tell me what you think, I really want feedback on my very first post. *grins* Thanks for reading.

~~ Jai


	2. Living the Nightmare

Chapter 2- Living the Nightmare

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My throat closes up the moment I open the heavy, steel door to the cellar. Dust and debris sweep past me in one big 'whoosh', stinging my eyes and nearly taking my breath. I fight the urge to run away for fear of what will greet me when I step outside, but I am Seifer's only hope… his only chance at survival. So, drawing from my near exhausted well of strength, I push forward and step out onto what once was the main street of Balamb. The dust settles, finally allowing me a startlingly clear view of the destruction. An audible gasp escapes me as I take in the full effect of what has happened to my home town. Over half of the buildings are leveled… as if they never existed at all. Of the few that are left, only shambles remain as proof that they once served as homes and places of business. I feel the tears threaten me once more as I cast my gaze toward my house... this time, I let them fall in memory of my mother. I already knew she was dead… but just the sight our home… torn down as if it were nothing not only filled me with sadness but also with a rage so deep it threatened to overtake me. It wasn't until I felt a small flash of pain that I realized I had been clenching my fists, causing the nails to bite roughly into the skin.

"Wh-what has happened to me?… How…? … What has happened to all of us?" I say aloud, though the words fall upon dead ears. The anger I feel… how can it belong to me? I've never felt a rage like this before… and it frightens me. Having seen enough, and knowing that there is nothing left here that will be of any use to Seifer or anyone, I turn and stumble miserably back to the cellar. 

"What's wrong, small one?" The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end when I hear the low, menacing voice behind me. My mind races, trying to think of who could possibly be in this town… but no answers arise. "Scared to face me?" The same voice taunts me, "You should be… I could kill you with but one finger…" I close my eyes and swallow thickly, feeling my palms already begin to sweat. "You should have been there, small one… when I killed the women… especially the pretty little angel. She screamed the loudest. I'm surprised you didn't hear it. Oh, that's right… you were hiding, along with the rest of your little friends…" I whirl around to face him at this remark, feeling the same foreign, white hot anger building.

"Hey! Wha-…What?" When I turn, there is no one there… the only movement, a small puff of dry, hot wind that hisses through the town, as if a great beast were sighing. I move slowly around in a circle looking for the owner of the voice that I knew I had heard. But, nothing. There was nothing. Though I could see nothing, my instincts were telling me something was nearby, I drew my fists up ready to strike at the first sign of danger.

"Hey, Zell…" A hand grasps my shoulder, startling me. Before I can react in a rational manner, I turn on my heel, my fist cocked back like a loaded gun and I bring it forward with all the force I have left in me. 

"SQUALL!" I look down to see the once proud commander flat on his back, coughing fo breath, and wiping at the blood leaking from his mouth. I kneel down next to him, worriedly checking to see if I'd broken his jaw. Thank Hyne, still intact.

"Fuck! What the hell has gotten into you, Zell!" He shouts struggling to raise up. I help, supporting his back with my left arm and pulling him up to a sitting position. I hear something rattling in his mouth, but before I can wonder what it is he turns his head and spits out a tooth which lands several feet away with a soft 'plop' in the dirt. "Damn it!"

"Squall, I'm so sorry… I…" He slaps my hand away and pushes away from me, standing up and brushing himself off.

"Forget it, Zell… I understand… just watch who you land your punches on next time." He looks at me, and though I see he is trying to reassure me, I only feel more uneasy.

"No… Squall… listen to me. Th-there's something out here… it… spoke to me." I told him, and realized that my choice of words made me sound like a rambling lunatic.

"What?" He asked, then shook his head. "Never mind… you can tell me about it in the cellar. I came out here to let you know I found some supplies in the cellar. But I need you to help me put the bandages on Seifer. I'm not all that trained in the art of nursing…" I nod, a wave of relief washing over me. Maybe there is hope for Seifer yet.

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"Damn it, Zell! Hurry up! He's bleeding again!" Squall's angered and exasperated tone makes me rush even more so than I am now. Hyne, what does he think I am a miracle worker? Sure, I have a little more experience in medicine than he does… but I'm not a fucking doctor. 

"There… that should stop the bleeding for awhile…" I say, more to myself than Squall as I drape our jackets back over Seifer's fever racked body. The bandages won't last too long though… if we don't get help soon, basically all I did was prolong his suffering.

"Good. Now tell me what you were babbling about out there." He looks me straight at me, and I find it hard to break away from his blue-green eyes, the only soothing and familiar thing in this stupid hole. So, I recant my story, leaving out the part of the screaming angel. I know that Rinoa was the one the voice spoke of… and I didn't want Squall to deal with anymore grief than he had to.

"Are you sure?" His voice, low and quiet, brings me out of my reverie and back to the present. I nod solemnly and look over to Seifer who is breathing a little easier thanks to the dose of medicine Squall had managed to scrounge up. As it turned out, the cellar had a back room with extra food and water, as well as a couple of first aid kits. Someone must've been stocking up in case of a bombing or something of the like. And even though I knew we needed these things, and the person who had put them here was most assuredly dead, I felt horribly guilty as I drank from a fresh bottle of water and nibbled on some crackers.

"I have no idea what the guy looks like, Squall. It was almost as if… he were talking to me from a different dimension. There wasn't even any dust kicked up, which there should have been if he ran." I explain, handing Squall the remaining crackers in the package. "Besides, we… we don't know how the others died anyway… anything could be possible." I lowered my eyes… not wanting to see the pain in Squall's at the mention of our friends.

"I know that, Zell… Damn it…" I know what he's thinking… 

"Squall… I don't care what he said. We were trapped. There were no other options for us. By the time we knew what happened… it was too late… we had to come here, to save Seifer… Squall… it was our only choice." I see the anger flare up behind his once calm expression and I pulled back slightly, knowing what was about to happen.

"There are NEVER any choices!! It's always too late!" He stood, and without another word, he stalked to the other end of the cellar and sat in the corner. I watched only momentarily as he ran his hands through his hair and sighed loudly before pulling his gunblade from it's sheath and tilting the blade in his hands. Not knowing what else to do, I move closer to Seifer, to watch over him as he sleeps, hoping he will wake soon…

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A/N- Well, not as eventful as I wanted it to be… but my brain was kinda blank today. Thank you to those who reviewed the first chapter- and just so you know- I have every intention of revealing what happened, but if I did it right away… there wouldn't be much of a story. ^_~ Please be patient with me and my muses. Thanks for reading and please review.

~~Jai


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